Judgmentalism

I'm a judgmental person. I confess this to my great shame. I have brought it before the Lord on many occasions and, by His grace, I've seen growth - but it is a struggle I've had for as long as I can remember and I expect to have it for a long time to come.

This blog entry is therefore written primarily to myself, though it may also benefit others who struggle similarly.

I have judged just about everyone I know for one reason or another, including my wife and my dearest friends. It should thus come as no surprise that I judge my donors as well.

I have judged donors for not being faithful to give as they've said, for not getting back to me as they'd promised and for not calling their friends as they'd committed to. I have judged them for talking too much and for talking too little. I have judged their marriages and their other relationships. I have judged them for how their children have behaved and I have judged  them for how their pets have behaved. I have judged them for what their homes have looked like and how organized their kitchens have been. I have judged donors for their reactions to my presentations, my stories, my financial "ask" and (wretched man that I am!) I have even judged them for how much they have given.

It scares me that, upon reading that last paragraph, I can think of much more to add. If anyone ever asks me why I continue to cling to the cross of Christ daily, perhaps I can simply show them this blog entry.

Why am I writing all this out? Two reasons:

1. That I can be reminded of my desperate need of God's grace.
2. That I can be reminded of the basic truth below that I so easily forget.

The truth: I ought never judge someone until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

Here are practical examples I've seen over the years of that truth in action:

• One couple who didn't give monthly as they'd committed to had failed to pay their electric bill more times than they'd failed to support me.
• One couple who didn't call their friends as they'd committed to told me that the wife had just been diagnosed with cancer. They still called for me the following week.
• One couple whose marriage was falling apart had no solid, Bible-teaching church nearby. (I have a solid, Bible-teaching church five minutes away and I STILL fail to love my wife as I ought.)
• One older donor who talked too much has a husband (also her pastor) that doesn't listen to her. I did.
• One donor who talked too little grew up with parents who rarely said a kind thing to him, so he learned to keep his mouth shut. The fact he spoke at all to me was a huge step of faith for him.
• There are too many examples to list regarding kids. You simply can not know about someone's child-rearing situation - even if you had a dozen kids of your own. Every child and every situation is unique.
• A donor whose house is messy spends two nights a week serving at the local food pantry.
• A donor whose kitchen was unorganized regularly invites homeless people for meals.
• And what can I say about people giving...?

And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on." (Mark 12:41-44 ESV)

The point is that I've wrongly judged people for all manner of reasons - having never walked a mile in their shoes. The fact is, though, that I could never walk a mile, let alone a step, in someone else's shoes. But Jesus did:

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV)

And right there is my hope: despite my wickedness - my ongoing wickedness - I can draw near to the throne of grace with confidence, and there I will find sweet mercy and rich grace.

If you've read this far, would you check in with me from time to time? I need others to ask me about the judgmentalism in my heart - and I also need others to remind me of the mercy and grace that awaits me when I repent (1 John 1:9)

If you're looking for help in this area too, stick around. My hope is that the lessons I learn will flow out into this blog as well.

Let's grow to love mercy together.

Don't waste your hurricane!

I can currently hear Sandy whipping against the walls of my house. Already the power has flickered a number of times, and I won't be surprised if we lose power any moment.

While Jesus and His disciples didn't have to worry about power outages, they sure knew what it was like to be in the middle of a fierce storm:

On that day, when evening had come, [Jesus] said to them, "Let us go across to the other side." And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" (Mark 4:35-41 ESV)

While it's entirely possible that Jesus will speak into this storm to calm it in an instant, history shows us that most of the time He simply has us ride out the storms. Thankfully, like the storm Mark records, Jesus is with us now as well. He's resting just as easily as He was then, calling us to do the same by faith.

With that in mind, don't waste your hurricane! Even if the power goes out, here are a few practical ideas for how you can respond in faith even in your fundraising:

• Write some thank yous to your donor team. For many years thank-yous were written by candlelight. I hear it's still possible.
• Spend time in Scripture. If you find it hard to read by candlelight, use this time right now to charge up your phone or back-lit Nook to spend some time with Jesus in His Word.
• Pray: James 4:2 says, "You do not have, because you do not ask." Have you asked God for help in your fundraising recently? (To my shame, that's often my second or third resort after exhausting my own efforts!) Pray boldly. Pray specifically. Pray for your donors, your remaining need and your sanctification.
• Be still: At the risk of being overly metaphorical, fundraising tends to create storms within our hearts as well. Jesus's words are just as powerful: Peace! Be still! Consider the power of the storm outside, and consider that Jesus calmed it with but a word. Consider, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?" Consider that He did indeed care that we were perishing, and He chose to perish in our stead. Be still, and know that He alone is God. (Psalm 46:10)

If it takes a hurricane for me to slow down, recognized my dependency and trust Jesus, let's take full advantage of it. 

Don't waste your hurricane!