What does God want from me?

Every fundraiser will be disappointed by "the results" from time to time.  That's normal.  But sometimes we feel disappointed by the results for really long periods of time.

Sometimes it's worse still: not only is nothing improving, but you're actually losing support.  Or your contact list has dried up.  Or someone is spreading gossip in one of your key networks.  (All of that has happened to me personally!)  It's tremendously frustrating!

What's going on??  What more can I do??  What does God want from me?

Helping to answer that question is a big part of why this blog exists.  But I was struck in particular today when considering one of the most frightening passages in the Scriptures, quoted at length below.  Take a moment to read over it carefully.  Note the extent to which God has gone to get His people's attention:

I gave you absolutely nothing to eat
in all your cities,
yet you did not return to Me.
Two or three cities staggered
to another city to drink water
but were not satisfied,
yet you did not return to Me.
I struck you with blight and mildew;
the locust devoured
your many gardens and vineyards,
your fig trees and olive trees,
yet you did not return to Me.
I sent plagues like those of Egypt;
I killed your young men with the sword,
along with your captured horses.
I caused the stench of your camp
to fill your nostrils,
yet you did not return to Me.
I overthrew some of you
as I overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah,
and you were like a burning stick
snatched from a fire,
yet you did not return to Me. 
(select portions of Amos 4:6-11 HCSB, emphasis mine)

God starved His people.  He destroyed them with plagues.  He killed their children.  He treated them like Egypt and like Sodom and Gomorrah.  Yet not one of these measures was sufficient to get them to return to Him.  They stubbornly refused to pay attention!  No matter how much God turned up the heat, Israel preferred its own, limited, lifeless way over returning to God and finding comfort, peace and joy.

While it's likely that God has not yet struck you personally with blight and mildew, could it be that God is frustrating your fundraising with the same intent: that you would return to Him?

When I first started fundraising, it took me months before I was willing to humbly acknowledge my need for Him.  And while I became sad, then angry, then rebellious during that time, I refused to return to Him.  And He responded in kind by depriving me in ever-increasing measure.

Thankfully, in His divine and perfect grace, He opened my eyes before all was lost.  I was a burning stick snatched from the fire.  A very stubborn, desperate, burning stick that had learned a very painful and very valuable lesson.

When I was an atheist, I'd read this passage from Amos and used it to declare God an egocentric jerk.  As a Christian - and especially one who has been snatched from the fire many times - I see this instead as tremendous mercy.  My heart is so prone to leave God, the source of life, and run full-steam-ahead into lifeless things which will destroy me.  Instead of allowing that, God Himself came to me, willingly took the punishment I deserved by dying on a wooden cross, and to this day patiently calls me to return to Himself time after time after time.

Those are not the actions of a jerk.  Those are the actions of a Savior.

A Savior who wants us to return to Him.

Trusting in God's Plan

This is a guest post by fellow fundraiser Jenny Carrington. Interested in writing a guest post? Write to gospel.fundraiser@gmail.com.

When I began my support raising journey in June of 2012, I thought I had it all figured out. I knew whom I wanted to contact, when I wanted to contact them, when I would make the epic trek from Maryland to my home state, Massachusetts; yes, I had a plan! A perfect plan. Nothing could stop me!

About halfway through June, I began to call people living in Massachusetts for a trip I was planning to make during the first week of July. As I already had two whole weeks of support raising experience under my belt, I was certain my Massachusetts plan was impeccable: set up a few meetings with old family friends, and call the pastor of a church I had attended a few times so as to set up networking opportunities, meet with the missions committee, etc. It was a beautiful plan. I sat down at my computer, iPhone in hand, and decided to call the pastor first because I had gone to high school with his youngest daughter, and wanted to begin my night of calls with an "easy" call. I grinned from ear to ear as the phone rang, imagining how wonderfully the conversation was going to go. A click: "Hello?"

"Hi, Pastor, this is Jenny Carrington calling."

Beat. "Who?"

Oh no, he doesn't remember me? "Uh, I graduated with your daughter? We sang in chorus together?"

"Okay…"

As I began to anxiously weave together a string of words about why I was calling, what ministry I was working for, and if he was interested in meeting up in a few weeks, he gave the one response I was not expecting to hear: "No, no, thank you."

No…?! He said NO?! He briefly explained why he was disinterested in meeting, and asked me to email him the ministry's website in the morning, and we hung up.

I dramatically flung myself onto my bed, sobbing. No, no, no!! My plan, my perfect plan! God, why did you ruin my plan! Now I'm never going to finish support raising because you ruined my plan!

And in that moment, God spoke to me: Jenny, why aren't you trusting me? Why are you resting in your own capabilities, in your own plan, when I alone have the perfect plan for you?

Blinking back tears, I realized He was right. I had created a plan, but had forgotten verses such as, "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'" (James 4:13-15).

I hadn't prayed about my plan, asking if it was the Lord's will, nor had I given the plan up to the Lord, understanding that it could change. Instead, I had boasted in my plan, even idolized my plan, and when the plan failed, and fell off its pedestal, I was broken to pieces.

The next day, I went to the local café for Internet access, stared at my computer screen for a good ten minutes, and finally, begrudgingly, sent the briefest of all emails to this pastor. I included the ministry's website and my own personal bio. After clicking the send button, believing the door to be closed, I thought, Okay, Lord, this trip to Massachusetts is in your hands. What's your plan? 

Three hours later, I received a call from my hometown's area code: "Hi, Jenny, this is Anne."  (The pastor's wife?!)  "We just read your email, and we would LOVE to meet with you!!"

What? WHAT?? We talked for a few minutes and chose a date for me to come over to their house to share about the ministry. When we hung up, I literally spun in a circle of excitement. I hadn't wanted to send that email. My plan for Massachusetts had been drastically altered, and I had simply wanted to close that door as quickly as possible. Instead, God used the email to fling that door right back open. Trust me, He says. I have a plan.

Not only did we meet, but they are now supporting at $50/month! In addition, I was able to meet so many wonderful people at their church, set up more meetings and meet with the missions committee. So, essentially, God did everything I had planned for. But in His timing and in His way.

Wow.

While the previous evening of dramatics was humbling and difficult to process through, I learned much about my pride, and much about trusting in God's plan. His plan in this instance was actually quite similar to mine, but He still wanted to teach me to trust Him. And I am so very grateful for that.

Fundraising with a heavy heart

This past week I've felt discouraged a few times - probably because my time in the Word hasn't been consistent and some close friends are at odds. I'm also in the middle of planning a support trip that isn't coming together much yet...

A few months back I got word that my mom suddenly lost her job. That night I was scheduled to make calls to donors...

A month or so before that I'd heard that an adulterous affair had taken place among relatives. I was leaving on a support trip a few days later...

In each of these cases, I was entering into fundraising with a heavy heart. Surely you've been there, too. The feelings can stem from anything ranging from the inconvenient to the tragic. A loved one is sick. (Maybe you are, too.) A friend or relative just passed away. You've recently lost some funding. Your ministry isn't going great. You feel "ugly" due to a few too many pounds or an outbreak of acne or even a bad hair day.

For years I used to think that if I wasn't feeling "encouraged", I was left with two options in my fundraising:

1. Don't do it.
2. Fake it.

Option 1 can sometimes be what you need; a day/night off can often be refreshing, so long as it doesn't become a pattern of avoidance or self-pity. However, I often chose Option 2: paste on a smile, call people and tell them you're "doing great!" and you're "really encouraged with what God is doing!"

Perhaps some of that is even true. I have friends who tell me that if someone asks how they're doing, they'll reply, "Better than I deserve." While perhaps theologically accurate, it's also not quite honest. Or maybe we want to be doing better than we are, so we take a page from self-help books and simply fake it till we make it! Exude positive energy! Align your chi! Be a better you! "I'm super-diddly-duper, neighborino!"

But is there another option? Can we be discouraged and do fundraising?

[1] For you yourselves know, brothers, that our coming to you was not in vain. [2] But though we had already suffered and been shamefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we had boldness in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in the midst of much conflict. [3] For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, [4] but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. [5] For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness. [6] Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ. [7] But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. [8] So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. (1 Thessalonians 5:1-8)

Note several things about what Paul did with the Thessalonians:

• Paul did not set out to deceive (v3). He was honest with the Thessalonians about his sufferings (v2).
• Paul was not out to please man (telling them what they wanted to hear) but rather God (v4-6).
• Paul did not just share the good news about God with them, but also opened up his own life (including, of course, the suffering and sin). (v8) Why? Because Paul was affectionately desirous of them and they had become dear to him (v7,8).

Paul did not buy into the lie that missionaries have to be happy all the time. Yes, the gospel is joyful - but the Bible is honest.

In the cases I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I ended up opening up with those supporters I spoke with. No, I didn't tell everyone everything (Paul also says we should be gentle (v7)), but I let people know that I was having a hard time. In many cases, my vulnerability opened up the door to much deeper conversations than may have otherwise been possible. (Your supporters are familiar with suffering, too!) As we together discussed the implications of the gospel in a broken world, our heavy hearts were lightened.

This blog often uses the term "fundraising" (which I don't love) but the truth is that we're building gospel-driven partnerships with our support teams. We are called to share not only the gospel of God but also our own selves. As a missionary and as a fundraiser you are called to minister - but also to be ministered to. Don't neglect that. Be honest. Share truth. Receive grace.

How NOT to be encouraged at a missions conference

Here are some sure-fire ways to NOT be encouraged at a missions conference:

1. Compare your materials, displays, website, family size, character or fundraising status with those of the other missionaries.
2. Wonder if there will be enough room for everyone to gather around your table at once.
3. Bring an extra ream of paper in case your newsletter sign-up lists get filled up.
4. Come ready to thank the pastor for his intimate knowledge of your kids names, hobbies and/or daily responsibilities.
5. Wait eagerly for people to dump money into your lap.
6. Live-tweet the event so your followers needn't be in suspense.
7. Spend the whole time behind a table rather than engaging people.
8. Expect to hear only fully contextualized and insightful Biblical encouragement as though they were spoken by Solomon himself.
9. Ask the missions chair whether you'll be the main speaker today or tomorrow.

Alternatively... here are a couple verses worth meditating on to help counter the list above:

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
a stranger, and not your own lips. (Proverbs 27:2)

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him? (Psalm 8:3-4)

Crouching at your door

I probably don't have to tell you that fundraising is hard work. Not only is it hard work, but the wages aren't always satisfying. Yes, there are times when you work hard and are rewarded with a $100/mo donor, a great networking opportunity or maybe some words of encouragement. But there are also times when your "reward" is (or at least appears to be) disinterest, rejection, misunderstanding or even threats.

When that latter "reward" comes our way, it's very easy to start wallowing in self-pity, stoking angry thoughts and entertaining envious daydreams.  Few of us would call such a state of mind "good", but we may easily miss that such thoughts are downright dangerous.

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." (Genesis 4:3-7 ESV)

Here we see that Abel's hard work was rewarded as he had hoped, but Cain's hard work was not. His heart moved quickly down a dark path - a journey not unnoticed by the Lord. So God reassures him that all is not lost - He will still be accepted if he does well. But God also issues a strong warning: Sin, like a ferocious lion, is crouching at Cain's door, hungry and poised to devour him. Tragically, Cain does not heed this warning but rather gives full vent to his rage at Abel's expense.

In the course of fundraising, especially in the times of great disappointment, you will find yourself in Cain's position. Sin will be crouching at your door, and its desire will be for you. Failing to rule over it may not result in murder, but there are many other wild beasts that are crouching there. They may take the form of sexual sin, alcohol or substance abuse, retreating into a world of distraction and escapism, workaholism, retail therapy, overeating, cutting, gossip, or any number of false gods that promise deliverance but instead destroy you*. (By the way, if you read over that list and find yourself in shock that Christians could struggle with that stuff, I suggest that you ask yourself why your Christian friends aren't being honest with you... and perhaps why you're not being honest with yourself.)

The image God presents is that this Beast called Sin is just outside the door, ready to pounce. But it can't get in unless we open the door. That sounds simple enough, but if you're like me, once you crack that door open for the first time (likely many years ago), it's very hard to close it - especially while the Beast is tearing you to shreds moment by moment.

So is there any hope for those who have already opened that door? Can we rule over sin?

"O death, where is your victory?
 O death, where is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin . . . but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:55-57 ESV)

Yes, we can rule over sin - but only with divine help! The victory is ours - through Jesus Christ! In Him even death is powerless. Though formerly we were slaves to sin, readily sacrificing ourselves to the Beast at the door, we need never return to that place. We are free to run to another master - and Jesus has shown Himself to be the best Master. When confronted with His grace and mercy, we are left speechless, marveling that our false gods ever appealed to us.

As holy sinners still being sanctified, we'll undoubtedly find ourselves with Cain's thoughts once again. When that happens, Sin will still be waiting at the door - yet we needn't fear it any longer. The gospel has left that Beast declawed and without fangs. It won't give up easily, though; it will still cry out with fearful shouts, trying desperately to destroy us with shame-laden reminders of who we once were.

When that happens, run to your Savior. He was dead but was resurrected to defeat death forever. The Beast is dying too - but will never rise again.

--------------------
* If you find yourself struggling with persistent sins, don't try to go it alone. Get help! Here are some online resources you may find useful:

• CCEF: Life-giving, gospel-driven tools for counselors and counselees.
• Desiring God: Few resources better capture the majesty and wonder of Christ.
• The Relentless Fight: Encouraging, empowering, and equipping Christians for the great fight of faith.
• Harvest USA: Proclaiming Christ as Lord to a Sexually Broken World.
• Escaping Escapism: Finding true refuge in Jesus

One-sided

You just finished nursing a tall latte because your contact never showed up for the appointment. As you stare at the empty cup, you also realize that not one of your supporters replied to last month's prayer update. You tried to redeem the evening earlier by making calls, but only ended up leaving another round of voicemails.  It feels like you poured yourself into your work and other people, but no one seems to care.

Fundraising often seems one-sided.

Sometimes we feel guilty for having "selfish" thoughts like that. We try to tell ourselves (and others) that we're just having a bad night. Lots of people care - really! They're just... busy... or perhaps they just forgot to respond... to all twelve voicemails... or maybe...

Maybe fundraising is often one-sided!

That's actually not a wrong thought - just an incomplete one. Consider what Paul tells us in Romans:

As it is written:
"None is righteous, no, not one;
        no one understands;
        no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
        no one does good,
        not even one." (Romans 3:10-12 ESV)

The truth is that our fundraising is often one-sided... just like the gospel. We try again and again to get the attention of our contacts, eagerly seeking to share the amazing work God is doing and giving them an opportunity to partner with us for His glory and their joy. Is this any different from how the Lord pursues us? He tries again and again to get the attention of His people, eagerly seeking to share the amazing work He is doing and giving them an opportunity to partner with Him for His glory and their joy.

How well do we respond?

Before Christ saved us, our hearts were completely unresponsive to God's efforts to reach us (see Romans 3:10-12 above.) Now that we know Him and have dedicated our lives to Him, we generally don't respond all that much better.

Yet in the midst of our rebellion, how does God treat us? "God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8 ESV)  And again, "He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32 ESV) Or as James puts it so plainly, "He gives more grace." (James 4:6 ESV)

Let's therefore choose not to wallow in self-pity over our empty coffee cups. Instead, let's greatly rejoice that God knowingly entered into a one-sided, grace-based relationship with us... so that we could knowingly enter into a one-sided, grace-based relationship with others.

I have no idea what I'm doing

Last December I made the world's greatest fundraising plan.  I put together a list of all the places I was going to take fundraising trips, I picked dates for each trip, I wrote down who I was going to talk to in each area, and I prayed over the whole thing.  Sweet.  This year was gonna be cake.

Then real life happened.  I took on several new responsibilities, started several new projects, welcomed our second-born into our house, and basically tried to do my best in all those areas.  Except, of course, fundraising.

At one point I noted that there was a trip scheduled for about four weeks away.  I blinked and it was three weeks away.  I made a note to myself to make some calls, then it was suddenly two weeks away.  I frantically tried calling lots of people at that point and was welcomed by many voicemail greetings.  At T-minus one week I did get a few things together, but it was quite minimal.

A day or two out, I decided to cancel the trip.  As I picked up the phone to call the two or three people I'd made appointments with, one of them called to cancel with me anyway.  One could choose to see that as convenient.  I chose to see it as further proof of my failure.  Even my pathetic mini-trip appointments wouldn't have worked out.

After I put down the phone, I actually said out loud, "I have no idea what I'm doing."  And it was true.

But that's not the whole truth.

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are. (1 Corinthians 1:26-28 ESV, emphasis mine)

Paul here is unabashedly proclaiming that God actually chooses the foolish, the weak, the low, the despised and the "nots" in order to accomplish His purposes.  God is unimpressed with the wise.  The strong have nothing to offer Him.  Whatever it is someone claims to have or be - God brings them to nothing - and uses His weak chosen to do so.

Of all the talents and abilities God could choose to use in the world, His favorites are the ones who are clueless, powerless and pathetic.

God chooses those who say, "I have no idea what I'm doing."

It's those people that recognize that they could never overcome their sin and brokenness through their own virtue.  It's those people who will admit that they need a Savior.  It's those people that will make fantastic missionaries for Jesus Christ.  It's those people that God is using to declare to a power-hungry world that real power isn't in their noble birth or Ph.D, but in a Man who became nothing for us so that we might become something in Him.

So make a plan.  Put together lists of names.  Schedule time to make calls.  But don't worry when you're confronted with your own inability to actually raise the funds.

It's just proof that God is using you.