No condemnation

I vividly remember a particular evening years ago where I learned a powerful truth about grace.

I was standing in my room, buttoning up a dress shirt and readying myself to attend a church event to do some networking. I knew only one person at this church (and they weren't a very strong contact), but my network was small and I needed to do something. However, as the minutes ticked away and I needed to be going, I was simply overcome with fear. I couldn't even have verbalized what I was fearing at the time (except that it was probably irrational), but I was certain that I did not want to go!

So I didn't.

I know, I know. The guy who writes the fundraising blog just said he skipped out on a perfectly good networking opportunity. Because he was scared. Because he didn't trust God.

But don't cast the stones yet! I'm not done. My whole reason for sharing this story is to make this point: I am convinced that skipping out on that prayer meeting was a completely acceptable thing to do.

Less I risk being misunderstood, I'm not saying it was the best thing I could have done. (Perhaps I'd have met a whole slew of contacts who would have given hundreds of dollars!) I am saying that it was totally fine that I didn't go. TOTALLY fine. Here's why:

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

How much condemnation was there for me skipping out on that meeting?

None.

How much condemnation would there be if I skipped such a meeting again?

None.

What if I skipped out on an entire support trip because I was fearful or lazy or just felt like playing video games instead?

None.

If that doesn't seem right to you, it may be because your view of grace is too small. Mine was. I felt terrible later that night: the initial relief of not going was replaced with wrestling with guilt over giving in to fear. But then I read the verse above and couldn't stop staring at the word, "no". Because I was in Christ Jesus, there was NO condemnation. I was 100%, completely uncondemned. More than that - I was deeply loved as a son of God. That standing was not at all based on what I'd done (or not done) but rather on what Christ has done. As I meditated on that, the fear and guilt was completely replaced with joy.

It ended up being a marvelous night of fundraising despite not gaining a single dollar.

A closing thought: the gospel frees us to be scared and to miss opportunities - but it also frees us to be brave and take opportunities. The grace of God is a transforming grace. It welcomes us as we are but bids us to become more. I didn't finish fundraising by giving into that same fear over and over again. Rather, I finished because I no longer had to feel fear, guilt or condemnation for my weaknesses. Because of Jesus, God would love me no matter what.

Is there any greater motivation than that?

Judgmentalism

I'm a judgmental person. I confess this to my great shame. I have brought it before the Lord on many occasions and, by His grace, I've seen growth - but it is a struggle I've had for as long as I can remember and I expect to have it for a long time to come.

This blog entry is therefore written primarily to myself, though it may also benefit others who struggle similarly.

I have judged just about everyone I know for one reason or another, including my wife and my dearest friends. It should thus come as no surprise that I judge my donors as well.

I have judged donors for not being faithful to give as they've said, for not getting back to me as they'd promised and for not calling their friends as they'd committed to. I have judged them for talking too much and for talking too little. I have judged their marriages and their other relationships. I have judged them for how their children have behaved and I have judged  them for how their pets have behaved. I have judged them for what their homes have looked like and how organized their kitchens have been. I have judged donors for their reactions to my presentations, my stories, my financial "ask" and (wretched man that I am!) I have even judged them for how much they have given.

It scares me that, upon reading that last paragraph, I can think of much more to add. If anyone ever asks me why I continue to cling to the cross of Christ daily, perhaps I can simply show them this blog entry.

Why am I writing all this out? Two reasons:

1. That I can be reminded of my desperate need of God's grace.
2. That I can be reminded of the basic truth below that I so easily forget.

The truth: I ought never judge someone until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

Here are practical examples I've seen over the years of that truth in action:

• One couple who didn't give monthly as they'd committed to had failed to pay their electric bill more times than they'd failed to support me.
• One couple who didn't call their friends as they'd committed to told me that the wife had just been diagnosed with cancer. They still called for me the following week.
• One couple whose marriage was falling apart had no solid, Bible-teaching church nearby. (I have a solid, Bible-teaching church five minutes away and I STILL fail to love my wife as I ought.)
• One older donor who talked too much has a husband (also her pastor) that doesn't listen to her. I did.
• One donor who talked too little grew up with parents who rarely said a kind thing to him, so he learned to keep his mouth shut. The fact he spoke at all to me was a huge step of faith for him.
• There are too many examples to list regarding kids. You simply can not know about someone's child-rearing situation - even if you had a dozen kids of your own. Every child and every situation is unique.
• A donor whose house is messy spends two nights a week serving at the local food pantry.
• A donor whose kitchen was unorganized regularly invites homeless people for meals.
• And what can I say about people giving...?

And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on." (Mark 12:41-44 ESV)

The point is that I've wrongly judged people for all manner of reasons - having never walked a mile in their shoes. The fact is, though, that I could never walk a mile, let alone a step, in someone else's shoes. But Jesus did:

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV)

And right there is my hope: despite my wickedness - my ongoing wickedness - I can draw near to the throne of grace with confidence, and there I will find sweet mercy and rich grace.

If you've read this far, would you check in with me from time to time? I need others to ask me about the judgmentalism in my heart - and I also need others to remind me of the mercy and grace that awaits me when I repent (1 John 1:9)

If you're looking for help in this area too, stick around. My hope is that the lessons I learn will flow out into this blog as well.

Let's grow to love mercy together.

Crouching at your door

I probably don't have to tell you that fundraising is hard work. Not only is it hard work, but the wages aren't always satisfying. Yes, there are times when you work hard and are rewarded with a $100/mo donor, a great networking opportunity or maybe some words of encouragement. But there are also times when your "reward" is (or at least appears to be) disinterest, rejection, misunderstanding or even threats.

When that latter "reward" comes our way, it's very easy to start wallowing in self-pity, stoking angry thoughts and entertaining envious daydreams.  Few of us would call such a state of mind "good", but we may easily miss that such thoughts are downright dangerous.

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." (Genesis 4:3-7 ESV)

Here we see that Abel's hard work was rewarded as he had hoped, but Cain's hard work was not. His heart moved quickly down a dark path - a journey not unnoticed by the Lord. So God reassures him that all is not lost - He will still be accepted if he does well. But God also issues a strong warning: Sin, like a ferocious lion, is crouching at Cain's door, hungry and poised to devour him. Tragically, Cain does not heed this warning but rather gives full vent to his rage at Abel's expense.

In the course of fundraising, especially in the times of great disappointment, you will find yourself in Cain's position. Sin will be crouching at your door, and its desire will be for you. Failing to rule over it may not result in murder, but there are many other wild beasts that are crouching there. They may take the form of sexual sin, alcohol or substance abuse, retreating into a world of distraction and escapism, workaholism, retail therapy, overeating, cutting, gossip, or any number of false gods that promise deliverance but instead destroy you*. (By the way, if you read over that list and find yourself in shock that Christians could struggle with that stuff, I suggest that you ask yourself why your Christian friends aren't being honest with you... and perhaps why you're not being honest with yourself.)

The image God presents is that this Beast called Sin is just outside the door, ready to pounce. But it can't get in unless we open the door. That sounds simple enough, but if you're like me, once you crack that door open for the first time (likely many years ago), it's very hard to close it - especially while the Beast is tearing you to shreds moment by moment.

So is there any hope for those who have already opened that door? Can we rule over sin?

"O death, where is your victory?
 O death, where is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin . . . but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:55-57 ESV)

Yes, we can rule over sin - but only with divine help! The victory is ours - through Jesus Christ! In Him even death is powerless. Though formerly we were slaves to sin, readily sacrificing ourselves to the Beast at the door, we need never return to that place. We are free to run to another master - and Jesus has shown Himself to be the best Master. When confronted with His grace and mercy, we are left speechless, marveling that our false gods ever appealed to us.

As holy sinners still being sanctified, we'll undoubtedly find ourselves with Cain's thoughts once again. When that happens, Sin will still be waiting at the door - yet we needn't fear it any longer. The gospel has left that Beast declawed and without fangs. It won't give up easily, though; it will still cry out with fearful shouts, trying desperately to destroy us with shame-laden reminders of who we once were.

When that happens, run to your Savior. He was dead but was resurrected to defeat death forever. The Beast is dying too - but will never rise again.

--------------------
* If you find yourself struggling with persistent sins, don't try to go it alone. Get help! Here are some online resources you may find useful:

• CCEF: Life-giving, gospel-driven tools for counselors and counselees.
• Desiring God: Few resources better capture the majesty and wonder of Christ.
• The Relentless Fight: Encouraging, empowering, and equipping Christians for the great fight of faith.
• Harvest USA: Proclaiming Christ as Lord to a Sexually Broken World.
• Escaping Escapism: Finding true refuge in Jesus

Sewing fig leaves

When fundraising isn't going well, I suddenly become very helpful.

CC image courtesy of John Leach on Flickr

I mean, I generally try to be helpful. I take out the trash. I mow the lawn. I serve at my church. I offer to help friends move.

However, there's something different about my degree of helpfulness when fundraising isn't going well. I'm suddenly going out of my way to find ways to help. I upgrade all the software on my wife's computer. I start dusting the house for the second time that week. I consider mowing my neighbor's lawn.

None of those things are bad activities in and of themselves, but when I take into account the motivation behind WHY I'd become so helpful, I often realize something:

I'm sewing fig leaves.

Here's what the Bible says about it in Genesis 3, picking up at probably the most tragic moment in history:

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. (Genesis 3:6-7 ESV)

Immediately upon tasting of the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve come to a shameful conclusion: they're naked! To remedy the problem, they snatched up some fig leaves and covered themselves.

That's the same thing I'm doing when I become "helpful": I realize that something is wrong, I see myself as the problem, and so I look for a way to cover up my shame. I find some activity to serve as my fig leaves and I hide behind those activities as a way of covering over my shame.

There's only one problem with that: it doesn't fix the problem! Here's what the next verse in Genesis tells us:

And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:8 ESV)

Even though they'd covered up their nakedness, they still felt shame - thus they hid among the trees.

Similarly, when I get the reports about my fundraising, all my helpful activities don't actually hide anything. My shortcomings are plain. I then look for something more substantial to hide behind just as Adam and Eve did. However, neither trees nor additional helpful activities will hide our shame from the eyes of the LORD.

So we need a real solution. If fig leaves and trees and helpful activities can't cover our shame, what will?

Here's God's solution a few verses later:

And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.
(Genesis 3:21 ESV)

Note several things about these new coverings:

1. They were made from "skins". That is, something was sacrificed to provide the clothing.
2. They were a gift from God. Adam and Eve didn't need to do any more sewing.
3. They were superior coverings. Garments of skin > loincloths of leaves.

That's good news! Yet each of these things point forward to even better news - God's ultimate solution:

1. Jesus sacrificed His skin; His body was broken to cover our shame.
2. Jesus is the greatest gift from God. We don't need to do anything to receive this covering.
3. Jesus is the perfect covering. Jesus > helpful activities

That means that when my fundraising is going poorly, even if it's my fault, I can trust in Christ as my covering. I can freely engage in as many helpful activities as I want - but I can perform them out of a heart of gratitude and freedom rather than a heart of fear and self-justification.

So let's choose to lay down our sewing needles.

Let's wear the righteousness of God instead.