Judgmentalism

I'm a judgmental person. I confess this to my great shame. I have brought it before the Lord on many occasions and, by His grace, I've seen growth - but it is a struggle I've had for as long as I can remember and I expect to have it for a long time to come.

This blog entry is therefore written primarily to myself, though it may also benefit others who struggle similarly.

I have judged just about everyone I know for one reason or another, including my wife and my dearest friends. It should thus come as no surprise that I judge my donors as well.

I have judged donors for not being faithful to give as they've said, for not getting back to me as they'd promised and for not calling their friends as they'd committed to. I have judged them for talking too much and for talking too little. I have judged their marriages and their other relationships. I have judged them for how their children have behaved and I have judged  them for how their pets have behaved. I have judged them for what their homes have looked like and how organized their kitchens have been. I have judged donors for their reactions to my presentations, my stories, my financial "ask" and (wretched man that I am!) I have even judged them for how much they have given.

It scares me that, upon reading that last paragraph, I can think of much more to add. If anyone ever asks me why I continue to cling to the cross of Christ daily, perhaps I can simply show them this blog entry.

Why am I writing all this out? Two reasons:

1. That I can be reminded of my desperate need of God's grace.
2. That I can be reminded of the basic truth below that I so easily forget.

The truth: I ought never judge someone until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

Here are practical examples I've seen over the years of that truth in action:

• One couple who didn't give monthly as they'd committed to had failed to pay their electric bill more times than they'd failed to support me.
• One couple who didn't call their friends as they'd committed to told me that the wife had just been diagnosed with cancer. They still called for me the following week.
• One couple whose marriage was falling apart had no solid, Bible-teaching church nearby. (I have a solid, Bible-teaching church five minutes away and I STILL fail to love my wife as I ought.)
• One older donor who talked too much has a husband (also her pastor) that doesn't listen to her. I did.
• One donor who talked too little grew up with parents who rarely said a kind thing to him, so he learned to keep his mouth shut. The fact he spoke at all to me was a huge step of faith for him.
• There are too many examples to list regarding kids. You simply can not know about someone's child-rearing situation - even if you had a dozen kids of your own. Every child and every situation is unique.
• A donor whose house is messy spends two nights a week serving at the local food pantry.
• A donor whose kitchen was unorganized regularly invites homeless people for meals.
• And what can I say about people giving...?

And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on." (Mark 12:41-44 ESV)

The point is that I've wrongly judged people for all manner of reasons - having never walked a mile in their shoes. The fact is, though, that I could never walk a mile, let alone a step, in someone else's shoes. But Jesus did:

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV)

And right there is my hope: despite my wickedness - my ongoing wickedness - I can draw near to the throne of grace with confidence, and there I will find sweet mercy and rich grace.

If you've read this far, would you check in with me from time to time? I need others to ask me about the judgmentalism in my heart - and I also need others to remind me of the mercy and grace that awaits me when I repent (1 John 1:9)

If you're looking for help in this area too, stick around. My hope is that the lessons I learn will flow out into this blog as well.

Let's grow to love mercy together.

When giving under compulsion is good

Most Christian fundraisers know this verse:

"Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." (2 Corinthians 9:7 ESV)

We know that verse means that we should never pressure people into giving. We should rather trust that God will guide people to give and will bless those who do - and those are the people we want on our support teams.

However, how do we handle those people who say that they want to give - even declaring it decisively and cheerfully - but who never start giving?

If you've done fundraising for any length of time, you've experienced this. I've had a number of people over the years leave me in that awkward position. On the one hand, they've said that they want to give. In some cases, they've even affirmed it repeatedly. But on the other hand, they refuse to return phone calls, emails, Facebook posts, letters and whatever other methods I've tried.

These situations make up one of the hardest parts of fundraising. They cause you to feel rejected, lonely, defeated and unmotivated. As days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, the thought of trying again leaves you with tightness in your chest. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." (Pr 13:12)

In these cases, how can you keep from losing heart?

Jesus tells us:

And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'" And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" (Luke 18:1-8 ESV)

The Lord's point could not be clearer: we ought always to pray and not lose heart. Why? Because if an unrighteous judge can be convinced by constant pestering, how much more responsive will the Righteous Judge be?

Note then the implication: though we should never lead another human being to give under compulsion, Jesus plainly encourages us to lead God to give under compulsion!

Now to be clear, God never actually gives reluctantly or under compulsion. He bows His knee to no one, regardless of how much they may plead with Him. However, there are easily a hundred other ways in which Jesus could have encouraged His disciples to not give up - yet He chose to do it by comparing His Father to a flabbergasted atheist jerk. Why? Because even though God never actually gives reluctantly, our repeated cries to Him are effective; God hears each one and each one matters to Him. So much so that it could even seem to us that our compulsive behavior is what does it.

What really does it, however, is the fact that God's precious Son gave His life so that we would be considered absolutely delightful children in God's sight - children that God finds great pleasure in blessing.

How do you keep from losing heart when trying to reach those who have said they want to give? Consider asking them less and asking God more.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:7-11 ESV)

Calling delinquent donors: Part 1 - Recognizing fears

Calling referrals is scary. Cold calling is worse. But nothing paralyzes more quickly than needing to call delinquent donors.

That's my experience, at least.

Why is it so paralyzing? Because all my worst (and completely rational, I assure you) fears come crashing in when it comes to calling delinquent donors. I've logically concluded that one or more of the following must be true:

They hate me.

And why shouldn't they? I'm sure all the other missionaries they support are much better at staying in touch, at remembering the details of their lives, at winning souls, and basically at all of life. Like Sam. Yeah, they're comparing me to Sam The Super-Missionary and have become so disappointed that they cut off my support. In fact, they're just waiting for me to call and ask about it so that they can show me the error of my ways. They've been keeping a list of them, you know. And with every day that passes without me calling, they add 3-5 more things to the list.

Something terrible has happened to them and I'll have no idea what to say.

What do you mean, this is a selfish perspective? Sure, there's a huge ministry opportunity there and so far most of their friends have avoided calling or just patly assured them that, "God is in control." Sure, they're hurting and could really use someone to talk to. And yeah, I even suppose that sharing some of what God is doing in my ministry could possibly encourage them and build their faith... but what if it's awkward? I should probably just hope that things get better and they'll start giving again on their own. After all, God is in control!

They're too busy

Their time is valuable, you see. Lots going on. All four kids are involved in six different activities, each of which is increasing in cost exponentially every year. The husband is changing jobs and likely making something like half of what he was before. Plus the wife is caring for her sick mother while maintaining a blog that daily encourages pastors' wives around the world. So, if I were to call, wouldn't that just be arrogance on my part? In the midst of all that's happening, why should I think my ministry is a priority? It'd be rude, really. I've got other things I have to focus on anyway. It's not that I don't want to call... it's just that my time is valuable, you see.

They don't care

They don't. And won't. Nothing I can do, so why bother? And come to think of it, most of the rest of my support team probably doesn't care either. I should probably just stop making calls tonight. Better luck tomorrow. Wait, what? I'm the one who doesn't care? Nonsense!!


Okay, so maybe that's not all completely rational.

A much more rational perspective is... coming tomorrow (including the Biblical encouragement part!)

In the meantime, consider these questions and leave a comment to share your thoughts:

1. For what other reasons are you scared of calling delinquent donors?
2. Have you ever tried writing out your thought process (as I did above)? What difference has it made in your thinking?